Sunday, July 29, 2012

A Solemn Word...

I have not felt like blogging for a very long time. So much heartache and no way to really express it fully.  Well not fully enough as so you would understand. Since losing our great nephew Ty, my amazing Uncle Joe and my precious Mother-in-Love Shirley Ber, we have also lost both of my dear grandma's, Reba and Hazel, and our dear friend and pastor David Emigh. So much loss in such a short time can put a person into a tailspin.  It seems I have recovered from all the losses except the one.  Losing our family members and even our friend was hard but knowing they are all in Heaven is so comforting and gives me a tremendous amount of peace.

The thing I find most difficult to recover from is losing my pastor, my teacher, and my church.  David Emigh was by far the most remarkable teacher of God's everlasting word I have ever had the privilege to sit under.  There will never be another like him.  I have never known anyone who spent more time in prayer for his church, intersession for his flock, seeking God's wisdom, studying Gods Word, and devotion toward missions.  He had a huge heart for missions. The Holy Spirit was his constant companion.

I also discovered how that loss changed others.  People I had gone to church with for over 17 years suddenly turning on each other, devouring his wife, Sharon, and turning on her as if she were to blame for it all.  She was more than capable of stepping into the pulpit to carry on the work they BOTH began to do more than 30 years ago and she was as anointed to "Do the Work" just as her husband had been.  Sharon worked right along side David, in building the church and ministering the word of God at Word of Life and when he died she was treated as if she had no part in any of it.  She taught several classes in School of Life, was the Ladies Ministry Leader, was Minister of Praise and Worship, and sat as co-leader with David on the Board.  She worked, ministered and traveled locally and abroad right along side David in every area of the church, spiritually, financially, and in every other way possible.

Now when anyone from WOL speaks about the church history and past ministry under David she is not even mentioned.  They speak as if he did in all alone without her.  How cruel and deceitful to not even mention her.  What could have saved the life blood of our church poisoned it and I expect we will see its demise in the not so distant future.  You can't touch God's anointed and think that God will be pleased about it.  He promises He will take care of His own anointed.

This isn't the first time I have tried to put into words how this has affected me.  Even now as I re-read it I can't believe we have actually lived through it.  It all seems so surreal.  Change is usually not this hard for me.  I move on easily by nature.  Once a thing is over I am ready to move on and look forward to what is next with great anticipation of the new adventure that looms before me. Not so with this experience.  It grips me.  The very core of me.  I feel empty and cold inside.  I feel spiritually dried up.  I know God has not abandoned me but I feel as if I can no longer hear His voice.  I am in a dark place spiritually.

We have done our best to move forward.  We are, all of us, attending World Outreach Church at 91st and Memorial, with Mark and Janet Brazee as the pastors.  We have been there a little over a year this past July 10th.  The Brazee's also have a heart for missions and outreach.  Mark is a wonderful teacher but I find I have put up a wall around my heart.  I am afraid to hook up or plug in.  Loren has joined the choir and also sings with the praise team once a month.  He jumped right in after we had been there only six months.  He is a remarkable man and loves the Lord so much.

Sharon is going out on the road ministering God's word and we travel with her.  She amazes me.  She is a strong woman, but she is a woman none the less.  I have seen her at her weakest moments but she never dwells there long because her strength comes from the Lord.  She trusts in Him completely and He never fails to lift her up.  She has stayed true to the course He put before her and He is exalting her.  He has put a new song in her heart.  A song of Praise.

I am trying, really trying to move forward.  It is difficult.  I covet your prayers.  I know God is faithful and He never ever fails.  I will get through this, I have faith that I will.

Thanks for allowing me to finally get this down.  I have started writing this many times over this past year but just could not find the right words.  I may not have had the right words this time either but at least I have been successful - to a degree - in putting my thoughts down.

 This for sure has been the most solemn post I have ever written.  Sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do and let it go.  Thanks for letting me do that.

I love you all,

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